And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
the raccoons are back...
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