Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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