Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
this just has baby written all over it
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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