I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
