cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
