the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
