Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
