apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
