And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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