I want to stick my p in your. b.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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