Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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