plz talk dirty to me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
