so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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