how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
