What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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