All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
