You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she smelled like a LAN party
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
