I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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