That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
