Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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