I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
