One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
