I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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