I just pynch a tree in the face
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
