what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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