walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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