He asked to "fluff my boner.."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
