She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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