everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
