I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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