I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize