Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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