dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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