OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
