i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
