lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize