So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
