Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
