im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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