Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
