i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
