Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
