when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
