did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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