this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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