I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
