it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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