btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
