Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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