McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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