You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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