By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
