I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
