We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
