I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
