winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I got inside last night via doggy door
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
