Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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