Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Bring me that man meat
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