im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
