Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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