Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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