By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
