Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
