he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
