I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You can't just leave with hair like that
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
