I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
