who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
