If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
